Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus

Directed by: Steven Shainberg

Written by: Erin Cressida Wilson

Starring: Nicole Kidman, Robert Downey, Jr. and Ty Burrell

Since 2002’s Secretary, Steven Shainberg and screenwriter Erin Cressida Wilson have held a high place in my heart. They both have the rare ability to make universal love stories out of atypical characters and themes (hooray for James Spader as a heartthrob!), a gift that they have graciously brought to the big screen once again with their latest film, Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus.

At the center of the film is Diane Arbus, played by Nicole Kidman, a woman whose photographs are quite familiar but whose story is not, something that will further enhance the film’s powerful effect. Fur is not a biopic—yes, there are elements of Arbus’ real life in the film, such as a glimpse of her upbringing, her family and such—rather, it is the story behind the story, or what Shainberg and Wilson imagine the story, and the inspiration, of Arbus’ life to be. 

In the film, that inspiration comes in the form of Lionel Sweeney, played by the ever-brilliant Robert Downey Jr., a mysterious new tenant who moves into Arbus’ building. I knew nothing about Fur going into the screening and therefore I hesitate to say any more about the story or the characters in the film because the surprises that it holds won’t resonate as strongly if you are privy to them beforehand. That being said, Kidman and Downey Jr. (whose eyes have never been so radiant) light up the screen in their respective parts. I have never understood why Kidman is so underrated as an actress, especially considering the challenging roles that she has taken on with aplomb the past couple of years, but she always uses this to her credit, making us both appreciate and fall in love with her in every frame. These two actors are what make Fur an indescribable and unforgettable love story, and definitely one of the best films of the year.

Lily Percy - Editor

Babel

Directed by: Alejandro González Iñárritu

Written by: Guillermo Arriaga

Starring: Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Gael García Bernal, Koji Yakusho, Adriana Barraza and Rinko Kikuchi.

Pick any scene from Amores Perros or 21 Grams and you’ll be able to clearly see the fingerprints of Alejandro González Iñárritu, Guillermo Arriaga and Gustavo Santaolalla. Babel is the third collaboration that the threesome has embarked upon and it is no different from their earlier work: gripping, emotionally charged and devastating. But unlike Amores Perros, which connected all of the stories onscreen with ease, and 21 Grams, which did the same, Babel suffers from a lack of connection—something that may seem fitting when you consider the origin of the film’s title.

Guillermo Arriaga is an incredible writer; the stories and ideas that this man weaves are nothing short of astounding. When you look at his career, Babel seems like the logical next step—a story about a variety of countries, languages and cultures, all trying to communicate with one another, and often failing. But the grand scope of Babel—we go from California to Mexico to Morroco to Tokyo all throughout the film—often spreads the stories and characters thin. I found myself wishing that Arriaga had focused only on one particular storyline rather than four, something that, having taken place in the same location, I never found to be a distraction nor a problem with any of his previous screenplays.

Regardless, Babel is still an astonishing achievement that should be celebrated for what it attempts to accomplish. The actors in the film are superb (I have never been more shocked by an actor than I was by Brad Pitt in this film. The subtlety that he brings to his role is breathtaking) and the cinematography matches the grandeur of their performances perfectly. DP Rodrigo Prieto and Iñárritu pepper each of their films with shots of locals—of their faces, expressions, daily lives—and their surroundings, something which always adds yet another layer of realism to the story unfolding onscreen. When I watch an Iñárritu film I know that I am going to be riveted for the next couple of hours, and that I will come out of the film having learned something new about myself and the world around me. There aren’t many directors out there that I can say that about, and that is enough to warrant repeat viewings of Babel.

Lily Percy - Editor

The Namesake

Directed by: Mira Nair

Written by: Sooni Taraporevala

Starring: Tabu, Irfan Khan, Kal Penn and Zuleikha Robinson

Even though it is only November and there are still a slew of films waiting to be seen, I am going to go ahead and say it: Mira Nair’s The Namesake is my favorite film of 2006. I could argue endlessly about whether it is the best film of the year, and there will be plenty of time to argue when our Top 5 lists come around, but I know that it is the most powerful, and the only film to leave me sobbing days after its screening.

For those of you who have not read Jhumpa Lahiri’s wonderful novel, on which the film is based upon, The Namesake tells the story of Ashoke and Ashima Ganguli and their journey to America from Calcutta. More than just another immigrant story, the power of the film lies in the recognizable nature of the Ganguli family’s struggle to survive amidst new surroundings, to assimilate and also raise their children, who are by birthright Americans, to respect and care for their own culture. Their firstborn, Gogol, is the central focus in the film, but he is not in any way the central character. One of the many things that I loved about The Namesake is the way that Ashoke and Ashima’s individual stories are brought to life in the film. It is through them that we come to fully appreciate Gogol, just as it is through Gogol’s eyes that we come to see another side of his parents.

Years ago when Monsoon Wedding was released on DVD, I remember renting it for my parents and I to watch. Although my family is Colombian, my parents were able to laugh, relate and understand every joke, storyline and dilemma that unfolded onscreen. I’m not underestimating my parents, by all accounts they are two very cultured people, but I know that the reason that they loved Monsoon Wedding so much lies in the way in which it was presented to them.

Nair is more than a director, she is a skilled storyteller who truly knows her characters and tells their stories as if they were her own. Because of this, every word and image in her films rings true, and The Namesake is no exception. The core of the film lies in the never-ending struggle of parents and their children—their need to be understood by their children, and our need as children to understand them. The journey to do so is a long and strenuous one, often ridden with painful mistakes and regrets, but when we finally come to appreciate our parents and their story, really embrace them as Gogol does, we in turn understand ourselves, and can at last accept the namesake that they have left behind.

Lily Percy - Editor

DVD'S:

All the Presidents Men (1976)

Directed by: Alan J. Pakula

Written by: William Goldman

Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Robert Redford, Jack Warden, Jason Robards, Jane Alexander, Meredith Baxter, Ned Beatty and Hall Holbrook.

So I get this DVD from Netflix and what do you know? It looks like its been through hell. Fortunately the technology gods intervened once again and the DVD managed to play through all the dirt and scratches to give us what could very well be the final viewing of the movie on that disc.

The original tag line for this great film read: “At times it looked like it might cost them their jobs, their reputations, and maybe even their lives.” My version of the tagline would read something like this: “Suspense, corruption, power, secrets and a whole lot of deep throat.” Now, before you get the wrong idea and accuse me of partaking in a little ‘adult entertainment,’ may I remind you that these are the very words that describe a certain elite group that for centuries has used truth and freedom to push its own private agenda?

The film is All the Presidents Men. The director, Alan J. Pakula. Based on the book by the same name, written by Washington Post journalists Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward, the story chronicles the award winning reporting that exposed the corruption of the Nixon administration after the Watergate break-in. Right from the start the director shows us the reality and the seriousness of things to come, using the typewriter and amplifying the key strokes to show us the significance of the film's theme of words as weapons. The entire 138 minutes of the film will keep you in suspense, taking you on an eye-opening journey into the corruption that fills our government.

Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford, as Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward, respectively, give superb performances, helping to create a Hollywood-like plot out of real events. The character of “Deep Throat” played by Hal Holbrook is Woodward’s inside source; it was thanks to his information that Nixon’s corrupt administration was finally brought to light. For 30 years his identity remained a secret until May 31, 2005 when the FBI’s former #2 man Mark Felt confirmed that he was indeed the notorious informant. (Two interesting facts on the film: the security guard that discovered the break-in at Watergate, Frank Wills, plays himself in the movie. The other fact has to do with the Oscar for Best Picture. Ironically Rocky beat All the Presidents Men that year, go figure.)

It’s amazing to see how little has changed since word of this scandal made headlines. It seems like much of the same tactics are at play with the current administration. This movie serves as a reminder that we should keep an eye on our government because as unbelievable as the facts of the Watergate scandal were, we could be finding ourselves on the verge of something greater.  

Juan Marcos Percy – Importer/Exporter

Final Destination – 3 (The Most Final Destination)

Night Interior:

The Brooklyn Gang has sat down to watch Final Destination 3 and, for the first time, is super excited. After forcing their way through the likes of Basic Instinct 2 and Just My Luck they may have finally hit on the most elusive of awesomely bad movies, one that’s actually awesome. This part of the trilogy was shot with the DVD in mind, no doubt fully anticipating a straight to DVD release. So as the Gang watches they will also be given the opportunity to choose between different options in the story line which will, ultimately, mean life or death for the characters! Okay, so basically it’s a death or death choice but still, they feel all hopped up on godlike power anyway.

To bring all non-Final Destination watchers into the fold I’ll do a quick recap of 1 and 2.

1: A crazy kid (who I think played an evil Eminem fan in a music video but I could just be making that shit up) is supposed to be taking a class trip to France but he freaks the fuck out after having a dream where he sees it all blow up. Some kids and a teacher get off the plane with him and right after take-off, the plane totally blows up. Fucking crazy. But instead of thinking he’s a hero everyone just thinks that the kid’s a freak. Except Ali Larter. She’s sort of a goth/artist/anti-social weirdo so of course she finds predicting death to be a huge turn on. Anyway, death stalks them all and kills them in freakish and sort of hilarious ways. Ali Larter and the Eminem guy are the only ones to make it to the end.

2: A chick in a car with her annoying friends has a dream that they’re all killed in a crazy and horrific car accident. She refuses to drive past the on ramp that she had the daydream on. Everyone in the car thinks that she’s a crazy bitch until there’s suddenly a huge accident that they all would have totally been in. Then death starts killing them all in freakish and sort of hilarious ways. We find out that the Eminem kid from movie 1 did get killed, eventually, when he stepped out of his apartment for the first time in a year and was struck in the head by a falling brick. Ali Larter has institutionalized herself in a big fluffy room to keep death at bay. The girl who had the dream of the accident shames Ali Larter into leaving her padded cell. Ali Larter then gets blown up like 20 minutes later. Nice work, bitch. Anyway, at the end, only the chick that had the dream and this hot cop who was supposed to be in the accident, are alive.

The DVD begins with a short intro explaining the whole choice thing. It also states that if we’re too slow in making a choice one will be chosen for us.

Jeanne: We won’t have any trouble making a decision. We don’t care about these people.

The movie opens on an amusement park. It’s grad night and the park is swarming with teenagers and although my memories of grad night are enough to terrify me, this actually isn’t the scary part of this movie. The camera scans the park, focusing in on different groups of kids.

Richard: Oh my god. There’s that kid who’s hot but still way too young to be called hot.

The opening credits are rolling.

Chris: Texas Battle?!

Jeanne: That’s somebody’s name? Dude, that fucking rocks. I want to be named Texas Battle.

Richard: Can I call you Tex?

Jeanne: No, I must be called by my full name, Texas Battle.

Chris: (Trying to remember the name of an old co-worker without much success. I bet that whatever their name was it wasn’t nearly as cool as Texas Battle anyway.) Who…There was someone…like…the bargain…the bargain…whatchamacallit…the bargain….the bargain…like merchandiser…

Jeanne: Whose name was Texas Battle?

Chris: No, her name was like…

Jeanne: Wisconsin Battle? Illinois War? Dakota Fanning?

Chris: Her last name was like Killdeath or something like that.

Jeanne: Oh, that’s cool.

Chris: Richard, do you remember that?

Richard: No.

Jeanne: That means you’re making it up.

Chris: She had like a very Scandinavian name.

Richard: Chris doesn’t make things up. Everything Chris says is true.

Chris: (Still going on and on with that name. Dude, use a lifeline or something. Phone a friend.) It was…

Jeanne: (Taking the choice option very, very seriously) Do you have the remote handy for choices? (But does she intend to do good or evil with her choice? Come on. Of course she’s going to do evil. This is the chick that said little Dakota Fanning was fucking the neighbor and that Sharon Stone hid corpses and murder weapons in her vagina. Well, I can’t disprove the Sharon Stone thing but I’m pretty sure that Dakota Fanning is only fucking the devil, not the neighbor.)

Richard: These are the same people who did the original. I’m not sure if they did the second one though. But they also did Willard.

Jeanne: Willard was good.

Richard: Willard was awesome.

Chris: Willard was a remake.

Apparently this school hands out passes to all of the students for the really popular rides so that they have to be there at a certain time or they miss their chance to ride. I kind of like that idea. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to wait a day and a half for Space Mountain if my crap school had put that kind of thought into their Grad Night. Although, this movie is about the roller coaster jumping track and killing everyone on it so maybe it’s best that I don’t wish for similarities.

Anyway, a group of four kids, two guys and two girls, are heading toward El Diablo, the big bad roller coaster that everyone’s lined up to ride, because it’s almost their time. One girl, obviously destined to become the creepy premonition one, stares sort of fearfully and meaningfully at everything from the roller coaster to french fries to some skanky girls’ asses because death puts his clues everywhere! Yes, everywhere! Even in thongs. They could be a sign that you’ll be suffocated between two giant sacks of Jell-O.

The creepy girl is also on yearbook staff (DORK!) so she’s photographing stuff with her little digital camera. The other girl’s boyfriend grabs the camera to photograph girls asses (what a huge prick). Wow, why did I ever feel bad about not having a boyfriend in high school? The boys run off to pick up food while the girls sit down and girl talk. The creepy one admits to being a total control freak and the other chick (the one dating the huge prick) says that she’s totally breaking up with him after graduation. I’m not sure if this is a battered woman syndrome “I’m breaking up with him” that means she’s actually going to cook him dinner, massage his feet, and promise never to make him hit her again, or an actual, “how did I only just notice that my boyfriend’s a huge prick” breaking up with him. Hmm…there are no visible bruises…

The two “Hot Chicks” of their class are playing the most highly erotic game they could find in the park. They’re perched on stools with their thongs showing. One is in a pink matching sweatpants, sweat shirt combo ala J.Lo. The other is in the exact same thing but in blue. They’re tanned to within an inch of looking like they’ve survived nuclear fallout. They’re shooting water guns into the mouths of clowns and oohing and ahhing as they try to see who can get the most in their mouth first. Dude, is this clown porn? The prize for the winner is a big plastic palm tree. Lame. But I guess it fills their fantasies of one day being tanned by the sun instead of a toaster oven like tanning bed.

Jeanne: Who is all about cutting to the dying already) Are they going to be killed by their giant palm tree?

The creepy girl runs into her sister on the way to the roller coaster and freaks out on her because she’s not a senior and isn’t supposed to be there. (Okay, so maybe she’s not a senior but she looks about 45 years old. The casting director should be whipped for this.)

Jeanne: She looks older than a senior.

Richard: She does! She looks like a senior in college….of prostitution.

They pass a guy who is apparently the star high school athlete. So sad. Doesn’t he realize that much like the high school head cheerleader it really doesn’t matter? They’re both going to end up fat and balding and probably scratching their genitals in public while they tell their fat, Cheetos-covered grandkids about how awesomely cool they were when they were 16. Anyway, he’s playing the strong man thing where you bash the base with a mallet and see how high you can make the little puck go up. If it hits the bell at the top then you fucking rock and the women around you should pull off their panties and pelt you with them because you are a god much like Tom Jones. Anyway, he gets it to hit the bell and he’s super excited and I think any minute he may pull out his penis and start hitting people with it just to show how fucking great he is.

Richard: I hate them all so far and I want them all to die. Especially him.

Jeanne: (mocking the jubilation of the jock as he goes to hit the bell again) This one’s for J.C.!

The group of four that we’ve been following finally makes it to the roller coaster. We hear the giant Devil statue outside of the roller coaster laugh and say, “You can run but you cannot hide.”

Richard: (referring to the voice of the devil) That’s the voice of the Candyman, Tony Todd, who has appeared in the other two films.

Jeanne: He had nothing else to do.

Chris: Thank you IMDB.

Richard: Jeanne, bend over so that I can hit…Chris.

Jeanne: That…um…before you said “Chris” that sounded really terrible.

Richard: I wasn’t gonna like Donkey Punch you. Oh my god. The Tony Danza…(laughing) Who’s the Boss.

Playing up the control freak aspect already established earlier, the creepy girl is terrified of going on the roller coaster, which her boyfriend psychoanalyzes as part of her need to control all of her surroundings. Or maybe she’s just able to see that strapping yourself into something that’s probably 20 years old, goes 100 mph, and is operated by a 15 year old isn’t a great idea.

Jeanne: He’s kind of unattractive.

Richard: He is unattractive.

Jeanne: The other kid’s unattractive, too, I’m sorry. I know you say he’s cute but you’re wrong.

We see that all of the other unlikable high school stereotypes that we met briefly before are also turning up for the roller coaster at the same time. There’s the two skanks, the jock, the two couples, and now a total lecher who tries to get the skanks to hold out their hands while standing in front of the devil statue at the roller coaster so that they’ll look like they’re holding the devil’s balls. Classy.

Richard: I would like to make a guess…

Chris: It’s not even a guess at this point—it’s the same thing as the first two movies.

Richard: You didn’t even know what I was going to say, Shakira!

Chris: You’re going to say that they’re all going to go on and they’re going to die and then she’s gonna like wake up and be like, “Oh my god, we can’t go on the roller coaster, guys, we can’t!” That’s what you were going to say!

Chris throws a toy monkey at Richard and he throws it back at him. This continues while Jeanne attempts not to get hit in the face by it.

Jeanne: Stop throwing the monkey.

Richard: How do you know what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it?!

Jeanne: Ahh! I don’t want to be in the middle anymore.

Richard: That’s what she said.

Chris: Monkey in the middle. Look! It’s monkey in the middle, literally.

Jeanne: I’m not a monkey.

Chris: (Referring to the toy monkey) He is.

Jeanne: He’s not in the middle.

As they head through the line towards the ride they meet McKinley and his girlfriend, Erin. They’re the anti-social freaks of the school.

Richard: His name’s McKinley and they go to McKinley High.

Jeanne: Maybe he owns it.

Richard: I haven’t been on a roller coaster in a really long time.

They finally reach the end of the line and the attendant who is putting groups onto the ride.

Richard: Oh My God! That’s Ugly Hunter, the hustler from Queer as Folk!!

Jeanne: He looks a lot like Andy Samberg. The SNL kid.

Richard: No. No. I see what you’re saying but, no. He’s like the ugly version.

Jeanne: No, he looks a lot like him. Look at his face.

Unfortunately, there aren’t four seats together so they’re going to have to split up with two in the front of the ride and two in the back. The creepy girl refuses to sit in front because it freaks her out but her boyfriend wants to. They decide to make the decision with a coin toss. And suddenly our first choice is presented! Do we pick heads or tails for the coin flip? Our choice could mean the difference between one horrible death and another horrible death. With great power comes great responsibility.

Jeanne: (gasps)

Richard: Oooh!

Jeanne: Tails.

Richard: Heads.

Chris picks tails ‘cause he’s totally biased towards his girlfriend.

Richard: Did this movie have some kind of like twist in the theaters? Are we going to have to watch it again to see what happens when you choose heads?

Jeanne: We should! But there’s gonna be several points with options so we’re going to have to watch it like six times to get all of them.

With the choice of tails the creepy girl takes the back with the guy who’s not her boyfriend. The safety bars come down but the jock stops his bar from coming all of the way down. The ride attendant notices and pushes it down hard. It appears to crush his penis a little. We then see that the extra push has caused a wire under his seat to start leaking fluid, which is the start of a series of events that will lead to their horrible deaths on the roller coaster.

Richard: I like that all of the people running the ride are like 16 years old.

Chris: That’s probably really true to life.

Jeanne: I doubt that there are a lot of pros. Like guys who are like, “I’m 50. I’m a lifer. I know how to run this roller coaster better than anybody.”

Chris: It’s like a summer job. It’s not what you do for your life.

Jeanne: Do you think that this is gonna go horribly wrong?

Chris: It can’t possibly.

Richard: I have to say that these guys—their movies always look really good.

Jeanne: Yeah. The shots look good. It never looks like a B-Movie.

Richard: They really don’t. I watched Willard like two Valentine’s Day’s ago for some reason.

Jeanne: Oh, that’s a weird Valentine’s Day movie.

Richard: That’s my Valentine’s Day movie.

Jeanne: That’s very weird.

Richard: ‘Cause I love the rats and no one else. Crispin Glover’s my valentine.

Jeanne: Does he rip out your hair and sniff it?

The roller coaster is on its way. At this point they’re still having fun but we’re all getting a little tense waiting for things to start falling apart. Chris, especially, because he already doesn’t like roller coasters.

Richard: Are you scared Chris

Chris: (mumbles) yeah.

Richard: Do you want to hold Jeanne’s hand?

Jeanne: You can close your eyes.

Richard: Tell us when you have to pee-pee, we’ll pause it.

Chris: I have the remote!

Richard: Oh.

A piece of the ride goes flying off as they come down the big slope.

Richard: oh, what is that?

Jeanne: Something important.

Chris: I think that means that they’re, like, loose now.

Richard: (puts his arms into the air) Why is nobody doing this?

Jeanne: ‘Cause that’s lame.

Richard: (When neither Chris nor Jeanne join in on his wave) Fine, don’t participate.

Jeanne: I have to hold Chris’s hand.

Frankie Cheeks (the lecher, I know, with a name like that did he even stand a chance? Could he really have ever been anything other than a lecher?) smuggled his video camera onto the roller coaster despite the “no loose objects” rule.

Richard: That guy’s the kind of guy who gets decapitated and like…

Frankie’s video camera falls out of his coat and onto the tracks causing more mayhem and derailing the car of the ride that he and the skanks are in. That car goes flying and they all die horrible, hideous, crushing deaths. An electrical malfunction causes the safety bars to fail and the jock goes flying out of his seat. The prick catches him and tries to hold onto him until a piece of debris hits the jock and knocks him loose. He goes flying and smashes into the roller coaster frame and then falls to the ground.

Chris: You know, I never even thought about roller coasters getting loose.

Jeanne: Until now.

Chris: Now I’m afraid of them even more.

The runaway car with the creepy girl finally comes to a stop but, of course, it’s upside down at the top of a loop. The safety things that are supposed to hold them in their seats have come loose. It’s down to the creepy girl, the prick boyfriend of her friend, and the anti-social freak couple. The freak couple has fallen out of their seats and are holding on to the safety bars and dangling like 40 feet above the ground. That totally sucks. The creepy girl and the prick are still in their seats. He’s holding their safety bar to keep them from falling. Hmm… I wonder if this time will be different and they’ll really be able to make it. Nah. That wouldn’t be as funny.

The freak girl falls and her boyfriend soon follows. The prick suggests that they try rocking the car back and forth so that it’ll right itself and they won’t fall.

Richard: (singing) I wanna rock with you…

The rocking does work and the roller coaster moves but then it picks up speed and starts hauling ass. I’m sure this wasn’t what he had in mind.

Chris: Now they’re on a loose roller coaster going backwards. Nice job.

As the car speeds backwards the prick is cut in half by a stray piece of metal that flies up.

Richard: Oh my god. Oh, that’s gross.

Jeanne: That is gross.

That leaves just the creepy girl. The car hits the broken tracks that derailed the other section of the roller coaster car and she goes flying out of her seat and falls toward the metal frame of the roller coaster. We assume that this fall would equal a painful squishy death but before impact we’re suddenly shown to be back in line for the roller coaster. The guys are just about to toss the coin in the air to determine heads or tails. Now that she’s had the vision the creepy girl freaks the fuck out and says that none of them are going to get on the ride. They all think she’s totally nuts. She screams that everyone is going to die and no one should get on the ride. No one really pays attention since people totally still get on the ride but she and her friends storm out.

They’re pissed ‘cause she’s pulled them out of the line they were in for like an hour but right as they get outside they hear a crash and they turn to see that the roller coaster has come loose and everyone who’s on it is going to die.

Brief descriptions of where the four of them are now come on the screen:

Carrie (the creepy girl’s best friend): Desperate to start living, Carrie dumped Kevin (the prick) the day after the incident. She enrolled at Berkeley, dropping out after one semester to travel the world. Presently, Carrie’s a groupie for Doctor’s Without Borders.

Jeanne, Chris and Richard: Groupie??

Chris: How can you be a groupie for…

Jeanne: Does she just sleep with all of them?

Kevin (the prick): After the incident, Kevin’s obsession with Wendy grew dramatically. To avoid being slapped with a restraining order dictating he stay 100 yards away from the Christensen home, Kevin joined the army and was sent to Iraq. Citing bizarre and erratic behavior, Kevin was discharged after refusing to go on patrol in Basra because 3 consecutive coin flips landed on heads. The patrol was subsequently ambushed. Kevin Fisher is, presently, back in McKinley staying 101 yards away from the Christensen home.

Chris: Would this be different if we…

Jeanne: I don’t know. Is this the end?

Jason (the creepy girl): After months of intense contemplation and study of the world’s various religions including Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Orthodox Judaism, Shiite Muslimism, Taoism, Unitarianism and Yoga, Jason emerged from his room and founded the church of Ultimate Beliefs. Preaching enlightened pre-ordination, Jason and his followers built a self-sustaining compound in New Hampshire.

Wendy (the creepy girl): No longer in denial about her gift, Wendy Christensen changed her name to Ming. She advises politicians and celebrities and also gives pro bono readings to police departments around the country. Last reported seen in Vancouver, British Columbia, her present whereabouts are unknown.

Chris: (Utterly confused) So this is like the end of the…This is the…did we not…

The end credits roll.

Richard: We just watched a 10-minute movie. That’s so fucking cool.

Jeanne: No Way!

Richard: I guess we should have…

Jeanne: (laughing) Are you fucking kidding?!

Richard: Oh my god! This is freaking cool!

Jeanne: Oh my god! We saved their lives!

So with the choice between heads and tails we stopped these four kids from dying and made this movie end after the 10 minutes opening. That was so unexpected. Dude, seriously, rent this DVD.

After the credits the DVD asks if we would like to change our choice on the coin toss. I guess it knows that our bloodlust is unsatisfied. We agree and change our choice to heads.

With that change the creepy girl has her vision once they’ve already been seated in the ride. That leaves her less free to haul ass out of there. She panics when she re-awakens from the vision but the Andy Samberg look-alike and the other 16-year-old ride operator don’t want to let anyone out of the ride. The creepy girl causes enough of a stir that the operator finally opens the back car that she’s in. She gets out with the prick and the creepy couple but the ride owner comes out and tells the 16 year olds that they absolutely cannot let anyone else out. The creepy girl’s boyfriend is yelling for them to let him out so that he can go with her but the rest of the people on the ride start chanting, “Hey Ho Let’s Go!” The ride heads out to its imminent doom. The ride operator physically throws the creepy girl out the back door of the ride and is trying to get her to mellow the fuck out when the ride totally derails and everyone on it falls to their horrible, hideous, crushing deaths.

Richard: That’s what I thought was gonna happen. 

Chris: Everyone knew that’s what was gonna happen! This is the same movie!

Jeanne: But it didn’t happen last time!

Richard: (to Chris) I’m gonna sneak into your room while you’re asleep and shave half of your head.

Jeanne: Just half?

Richard: Yeah.

Jeanne: That’s weird.

Richard: I know. That’s the point.

Jeanne: How are you going to know that it’s exactly half? Are you gonna need a ruler?

Richard: I’ll just ask you.

Jeanne: I’m gonna be asleep.

Richard: You wouldn’t be able to sleep through me shaving his head.

The scene cuts to the creepy girl in her high school. She empties out her locker, throws away her text books (which is weird ‘cause I thought you had to give your high school text books back) and runs into the prick as she’s walking out. They start up a huge argument in the rain that you would think would be sexier with the wet t-shirt and stuff but it’s not.

Richard: They’re standing around in the rain. They’re gonna get pneumonia and die! (Could that be death’s dastardly plan?)

The argument never does turn into the wet t-shirt contest that it should but Kevin, the prick, starts explaining to Wendy, the creepy girl, that this whole creepy premonition has happened before, the Internet’s told him so.

Jeanne: It’s actually happened twice before and they made them both into feature films.

Chris: Didn’t you see those movies?

He cheers up the grieving Wendy by explaining that after the people in the 1^st film got off the airplane they all started dying in freak accidents in the order that they would have died in until, within a few months, they were all dead. Way to help a girl get over the traumatic death of her boyfriend. Prick.

Jeanne: Why you gotta be a downer?

Richard: Damn, she’s like, “Forget you.” And he’s like, “Dude, I’m gonna grow up to a freaking secret agent!”

Chris: What are you talking about?

Richard: He played the Pretender! Are you listening to a word that I even say?

Jeanne: None of us watch The Pretender.

Chris: He wasn’t a secret agent. He was just like…

Jeanne: A pretender!

Chris: On the run from the government or something.

Jeanne: (To Richard) Don’t make me throw the monkey at you.

Richard: Don’t call Chris a monkey!

The creepy girl storms away and the scene shifts to the two skanks. Can you guess where they are? Can you guess where two trashy high school girls in middle America would go to hang out? The mall, you say? No. The whorehouse? Maybe on the weekends. Wait, I think you’ve got it…the tanning salon. Mmmm…something smells like frying bacon.

Richard: (in his best valley girl impression) I want us to be orange!

Jeanne: Orange is my favorite color.

Richard: Really.

Jeanne: No, I hate orange.

Richard: Me, too. Not as much as I hate yellow. And what color’s on my wall? Yellow.

Jeanne: And a bad yellow.

Chris: (singing) …and they were all yellow.

The scene shifts to the creepy girl in her room. Her sister is bitching her out for having her bracelet. She sits, sadly, like she knows that there are more important things in life than whose bracelet that is…who gets the last chocolate…whose boyfriend that is...all of that is just meaningless…especially when death is planning on killing you all in really embarrassing, and yet funny, ways. After her sister yells at her, the creepy girl launches into a weepy tirade about how she should have done more to save them but she didn’t ‘cause she’s a giant bitch. Okay, I added the giant bitch part but, seriously, if you firmly believed everyone was going to die on that ride would you have let them start it up with your boyfriend still on it? Oh wait—this is her high school boyfriend. That’s not so unbelievable then. Her sister feels like an ass for complaining about a necklace when her sister has obviously cracked the fuck up so they hug and make out and the sister immediately asks to borrow the creepy girl’s digital camera. Greedy bitch. The creepy girl agrees but says that she just needs to charge the battery and she’ll bring it over to her in a minute. She starts to unload the camera’s pictures onto her computer when she sees one of her formerly living boyfriend. In the picture, he’s standing in front of the rollercoaster but the car that’s going around the track looks like it’s crashing into his head. Okay, I think she’s reaching a little here to make this an omen of death but then again I always see Jigglypuff when I look at those Rorschach inkblots. Go figure.

Back to the tanning salon. The skanks are pros at tanning so when the tanning shop owner gets an urgent cell phone call they tell him to go ahead and take it outside. They can set everything up themselves. He does and he props the back door open with a tube of something…I don’t know…lubricant, hair conditioner, sun block…it doesn’t matter. They then lock the front door of the store and hang a sign in the window that says, “Back in 30 minutes.” The explanation that one skank gives for this is that she doesn’t want anyone walking in and seeing her naked. Um…I have a feeling that probably more people in that town have seen her naked than haven’t. Dude, I’ve seen her thong and I’ve only known her about 20 minutes! Skank. In scanning the tanning room, the camera reveals a Ramones bobble head. For some reason we’ve decided to take this as the key to solving how they will be hilariously slaughtered.

Richard: Oh my god! Her Ramones bobblehead!

Jeanne: Is that what’s going to indicate that they’re going to die in a tanning booth?

Chris: No, ‘cause the Ramones are all really pale.

Richard: It’s a slightly cooler reference than, like, John Travolta… I mean John Denver. (In the first movie, the crazy guy kept hearing John Denver songs and that was his indication that the plane would crash and that death was stalking them because John Denver died in a plane crash.) I just killed John Travolta…the way that Chris killed what’s his face last night. (Chris has a way of stating that celebrities who are still alive are dead. In that way we believe that he’s cursing them to an imminent death. We have much faith in the power of the Chris. He is our leader. I’d also like to add that, so far, no one whom Chris has cursed has died. At least, I don’t think that they have. Hail Chris, the Great!)

Richard: Chris, who did you kill?

Jeanne: There have been a lot of people. I don’t remember.

Richard: But like last night…Oh! He killed Jerry Lee Lewis! (To our adoring fans) If you’re reading this article and Jerry Lee Lewis is dead its Chris’ fault!

Chris: Dude, that guy’s on his way out no matter what. He’s old.

Back to the tanning salon. The skanks are almost ready to cook themselves when a choice appears! Yay choices! We must choose the temperature that they set the thermostat to in the room. 73 or 76 degrees? It may not seem like much but it will have most dire consequences on the lives of these two crazy stereotypes that we’ve been wishing dead this whole time anyway so we’re going to try and pick the temperature we think will cause the most pain…and the winner is:

Richard: 73 is the year of my birth! 73!

They set the thermostat to 73. One skank sets her giant 7-11 (I’m going to assume it’s diet) soda onto some table that’s actually the cover for the tanning bed control box. Hmm…do you think that’s important? I do. One skank realizes that she forgot her iPod. She’s so peeved ‘cause this is going to be like the suckiest 15 minutes ever without it! Wow, we are becoming way too dependent on technology. Be warned readers. The day that you believe that you can’t go 15 minutes without your iPod you will die a horribly gruesome death in a tanning salon!

Richard: Actually, I had to go to the grocery store the other day without my iPod and it totally sucked.

Anyway, she ends up having to sift through the public CD’s on the shelf above the tanning bed like a commoner. She settles on a best of the 70’s CD but when she grabs it the shelf shifts just a little loose. I bet that’ll come back to bite her in the ass. Then they strip and we imagine 13-year-old boys everywhere starting to masturbate furiously to the site of scary, orange fake breasts. I guess that’s why there are still people masturbating to Posh spice. Somebody’s got to breed the Oompa Loompas of the future.

Richard: Oh my god.

Jeanne: Dude, I just saw boobs. (gasps) I just saw fake boobs!

Jeanne: (As the camera pans from the brunette skank to the blonde skank) As you can see…real…not real.

Now, all stripped down, they lay back in their brightly lit death boxes. The song that they’ve chosen to tan/die to…”Love Roller Coaster!” Good choice ladies. They start to wiggle and dance in their tanning beds without catching the humor in the song choice.

Richard: Oh, you know what song this is?

Chris: Yes.

Richard: “Love Roller Coaster.” Do you know the urban legend about this song?

Jeanne: What?

Richard: …Is that that yell is actually a woman being murdered.

The two skanks wiggle and sing along with breasts a-bouncing.

Richard: This is basically porn for like 13-year-old boys.

While they sing the camera reveals that, since they turned the temperature up higher than it was supposed to be, the giant soda has begun to sweat and drip water down into the machine running the tanning bed.

In a short aside from the tanning bed skank porn, the scene shifts over to the creepy girl who is intensely studying the pictures that she took of everyone the night of the roller coaster accident because she believes that each picture holds a clue as to how death will be coming to get them. Hold on! I’ve got an issue with this. If death had initially intended for them to die on the roller coaster and all of these pictures were taken before they got on and, subsequently, freaked out and got off of the ride then how come they don’t all show death by roller coaster?? Wouldn’t these pictures just show that death had intended for them all to skirt the roller coaster death in order to be killed by whatever was in the pictures later on? I don’t know. It seems like there’s a step or two missing in the logical thread with the pictures but since I just want to get to some humorously grotesque deaths already I’m going to pretend that I’m okay with the pictures-showing-how-everyone’s-going-to-die thing.

Richard: The order that she took the pictures in is the order that they’re supposed to die??

Chris: (after seeing the photograph of the skanks that’s discolored so that the bottom glows orange and they’re both holding a palm tree) Oh, look. There’s a palm tree and fire.

Jeanne: Oh, so that makes sense. They’re going to die by tanning.

Back to the love roller coaster.

Jeanne: (Even in the midst of bouncing nipples she’s gotta be a hater) They’ve got scary looking skin.

Chris: Also, there are palm trees in the room.

The tanning bed machine begins to overheat after the water drips, causing it to malfunction. After a few minutes the skanks start to feel the heat.

Richard: Are their boobs going to explode?

Jeanne: That would be funny.

The scene shifts back to the creepy girl as she tries to unravel the mysteries of life and death through digital photography. Her sister steps into the doorway behind her.

Richard: That is such a Brian De Palma-ish shot. What’s that called? Deep focus.

Jeanne: Deep throat.

Richard: Deep focus. Like they’re both in focus but one’s really close up and the other’s really far away.

As she studies the picture of the palm tree and the skanks she realizes that they were the first to die in her vision so that means that they must be the ones who are going to die now! She grabs her phone and calls the blonde one.

Back at the tanning salon, the skanks finally realize that it might be a little too fucking hot in their little vanity ovens. The brunette calls to the skank, saying that she fucked up when she set the thermostat that high ‘cause it’s too hot now. The blonde takes out her headphones and hears her phone ringing. The A/C, which started up when the temperature got too high, knocks over a coat rack in front of it that falls onto the palm tree in the room, which hits the CD shelf and knocks it onto the tanning beds. When the blonde tries to open her bed the CD shelf slides over and locks between the two beds so that neither can open their bed. They start screaming as the beds become hotter and hotter and begin to burn their butts and fake boobs. Their screams are heard by the shop owner outside but when he goes to open the back door to get in he finds that the lotion tube that he’d used to prop it open was squashed by the door and the door closed anyway. He runs to the front door of the shop but finds it locked since the skanks locked it for privacy. So, the tanning beds get so hot that boils begin to break out on their beautifully tanned skin. The glass explodes above and below them and the beds finally burst into flames. Yikes. It sucks that the two vainest girls in the school can’t even get an open casket funeral. Death’s got a fucked up sense of humor.

Richard: That’s fucked up. Eww.

Chris: At least they died together.

After the funeral of the skanks, the creepy girl starts to tell Kevin, the prick, that she believes him about death giving signs. She tells him that she believes that the signs are all in her pictures and as they’re driving together she begins to show him the images. They pull into a fast food drive-thru and keep talking about the images while they wait with one car ahead of them and one behind. She knows that Frankie Cheeks is the next one who died in the vision so they attempt to figure out what his picture might be telling them about how he’s supposed to die. In the rear-view mirror the creepy girl sees that a truck up the hill behind them has started to roll down the hill without the driver in it. She panics and honks at the driver in front of them while Kevin shouts to the driver behind them to back up because they’re trapped.

And suddenly a choice appears! The choice is whether or not to have Wendy honk again at the person in front of them. We all agree that she should. When she does the guy in the car in front of her turns around and they see that it’s Frankie Cheeks. Kevin busts out the front window of the car and grabs Frankie out of his car just in time. When the truck rams into their car the spinning motor flies out of the front and stops right where Frankie’s head had been. We saved that lecherous bastard! Yay?

Jeanne: That would have carved the shit out of his head.

Richard: Like this. (He begins to pretend his hand is a blade against the back of Jeanne’s head)

Jeanne: That’s not funny.

Richard: Like this.

Jeanne: Don’t make me get the monkey.

Richard: Your hair’s really soft and pretty.

Jeanne: Thank you.

Richard: Do you condition?

Jeanne: I do.

While looking through the roller coaster pictures trying to figure out the next deaths that they’re going to have to prevent they realize that there was a group of people on the roller coaster that they didn’t know and they’re obscured in the picture so that all that you can see is the back of someone wearing a hoodie and holding their arm in the air. Wendy and Kevin then debate whether or not they should look at their own pictures. I don’t know why this is such a big deal ‘cause the picture’s are gonna be like them eating cotton candy but what death really means is that they’re going to get diabetes and die when they’re 45. They won’t be able to figure out their pictures anyway so just fucking look already!

So after much debate the pussies decide not to look. Way to be unprepared for imminent death. But as Kevin leaves we’re suddenly presented with a choice! And while the choice doesn’t let us make the creepy girl do a little striptease to “Paint It Black” it makes us feel powerful nonetheless. The choice is whether Wendy, the creepy girl, should take another look at the Jock’s picture (since she knows that he’s the next one who’s supposed to die she had been looking at his picture with Kevin but, not surprisingly, they couldn’t figure out what the fuck it meant.) We all vote yes ‘cause we’re secretly hoping that we can figure it out, make a bullshit guess at what will happen, totally be right, and then hold that as proof of our divine right to rule this apartment and all of its citizens in our ruthless and tyrannical government. Serve me dinner and be quick about it! So, bending to our will, she takes a quick look back at the picture before the scene changes to the gym.

Wendy and Kevin are going to meet the jock at the gym. Did you seriously think that he’d be anywhere else? He’s a jock. His testicles are probably wrapped so tightly around the weight bench that he can’t even leave it to piss. Okay, so maybe that didn’t make sense but it was a funny visual, right? Wendy and Kevin are rushing through their game plan. They’re going over what they need to tell the jock in order to convince him. They’re running through historical evidence that may shed more light on their situation and slowly woo him over into believing that what they say may actually have merit.

They pause at the doors to the weight room and finish the run down. Wendy looks at Kevin and asks, “So, are you ready?” He nods and they open the doors to their one chance to save another life. It’s probably not worth any more than Frankie Cheeks life but they’re going to fight for it like this jock wouldn’t grow up to be an overly aggressive college date-rapist with a steroid problem and tiny testicles. They enter the weight room and head determinately towards the jock. The jock looks up, exclaims, “What the fuck are you doing here?” while he continues his reps. Just as soon as it’s said, the weights on his machine come loose and crash together, exploding his head much like Gallagher smashing a watermelon.

Jeanne gasps. Richard and Chris burst into hysterical laughter. I guess all their practiced speeches are going to have to wait for the next kid.

To be continued in next month’s issue of P&F…

The Saturday Night Itinerant Brooklyn Gang is:

Jeanne Lopez, Cookie Monster

Rick Sayre, Pop-Culture Critic

Christopher Wilson, Vampire Hunter.

BOOKS:

“The Mist” by Stephen King

“Suddenly a shrieking noise began in the distance. It quickly built up in volume and resolved itself into the crazy warble of a police siren. A horn blared at the intersection and there was a shriek of brakes and burning rubber. I couldn’t see—the angle was all wrong—but the siren reached its loudest as it approached the market and then began to fade as the police car went past. A few people broke out of line to look, but not many. They had waited too long to chance losing their places. Norton went; his stuff was tucked into my cart. After a few moments he came back and got into line again. “Local fuzz,” he said. Then the town fire whistle began to wail, slowly cranking up to a shriek of its own, falling off, then rising again. Billy grabbed my hand—clutched it. “What is it, Daddy?” he asked, and then immediately: “Is Mommy all right?” “Must be a fire on Kansas Road,” Norton said. “Those damned live wires from the storm. The fire trucks will go through in a minute.” That gave my disquiet something to crystallize on. There were live lines down in our yard. Bud Brown said something to the checker he was supervising; she had been craning around to see what was happening. She flushed and began to run her calculator again. I didn’t want to be in this line. All of a sudden I very badly didn’t want to be in it. But it was moving again, and it seemed foolish to leave now. We had gotten down by the cartons of cigarettes. Someone pushed through the IN door, some teenager. I think it was the kid we almost hit coming in, the one on the Yamaha with no helmet. “The fog!” he yelled. “Y’oughta see the fog! It’s rolling right up Kansas Road!”

An excerpt from “The Mist” by Stephen King

Contrary to popular belief, yes, I can read. Even though it may take some time for me to pick up a book, I do delight in the ecstasy of the written word once in a while. There is no greater feeling than discovering something new for the very first time, and then again and again and again. I finished “The Mist” last night and after having a very short fling with the characters I can honestly say ‘Wow! I did not expect that.’ The ending is like experiencing a great roller coaster that finishes on the top of the mountain rather than the safe place where you first got on the ride. Like I was telling the friend that recommended the book to me (Thanks again, Ricky), it’s not the creatures that get me hard, although they are nice, but the fucking feeling of total chaos, which I would actually call “reality.”

Much like 28 Days Later, the story takes all the feeling of safety and security away. There are no commando type heroes that can save you; it’s just survival on a daily basis that keeps you alive. The only regret I have is that, like all great things, it too must come to an end. Regardless of that small detail, I think Stephen King managed to capture something that many have attempted but only a few people have actually achieved. Many have tried to recreate scenarios of chaos and destruction but regardless of the subject matter (zombies, aliens, nuclear holocaust) nearly all have missed the point completely.

It’s not about the size of the monster or the explosion or about how many people it wipes out, it’s about the feeling of hopelessness brought on by a reality that sees no resolution in sight. The element that makes you feel uncomfortable in your own body, an intelligent approach to “how the fuck will you survive when everything else fails.” Very few movies or TV shows have achieved this feeling—28 Days Later, Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the original and the 1978 remake), “V” the miniseries, Red Dawn, War of the Worlds (the original and the first hour and a half of Steven Spielberg’s remake) are some worth mentioning—and since books are not my forte (something that I’m hoping to change, one book at a time) I will start my book list by adding “The Mist” as one of the stories that got it right. I think this is the type of story that anyone can enjoy, but consider yourself warned: this is not your ordinary doomsday tale, and there is no warm fuzzy feeling at the end of it all. Just a friendly reminder of what your government is planning next fall.

Juan Marcos Percy – Importer/Exporter

The Prestige by Christopher Priest

With the release of Christopher Nolan’s film The Prestige, you may be compelled to read the Christopher Priest novel it was based upon. And you should. Winner of the World Fantasy Award, Priest’s novel tells the tale of two magicians, rivals from the first time they meet at a suspicious séance, and doomed to affect each other’s lives.

The novel is told from four different points of view. In the present we follow Andrew Westley, a British journalist, and Kate Angier, a mysterious young woman. Our main characters tell their sides of the story through journal entries. The magicians in question are Alfred Borden and Rupert Angier, whose diary makes up more than half of the novel. In fact, it isn’t until Angier’s story begins that the novel really starts to pick up, but from that point on it is unstoppable. Each magician tells of show stopping tricks and topping their competition, but Angier’s tale is the one that utterly amazes. I have to say that I think the fact that I had recently read the Kenneth Silverman biography of Harry Houdini added tremendously to my enjoyment of the novel, particularly the bits regarding fraudulent séances. The twists and turns that Priest takes are unexpected and satisfying and at the end, when we return to present day with Andrew and Kate, the biggest shock is yet to come. Be warned: Read the last chapter with the lights on.

Rick Sayre – Pop-Culture Junkie

Jar City by Arnaldur Indridason

Jar City, written by Icelandic author Arnaldur Indridason in 2000, is finally seeing publication in the United States after selling more than two million copies around the world and spawning a Gold Dagger Award winning sequel, Silence of the Grave. Indridason’s hero is Icelandic police inspector Erlendur, a fifty-something detective with two younger partners and a drug-addicted daughter. He also has a mysterious mentor, Marion Briem.

Who exactly is Marion Briem? You’ll be wondering the same thing throughout the book. But that’s not really the mystery of Jar City, which deals with the murder of an elderly man who has a past that leads police to discover a plentitude of suspects in and around Reykjavik. Throw into the mix a missing bride, a tense (to say the least) relationship with his daughter and that tightening pain in his chest and you can understand why Erlendur’s a bit of a mess. Jar City isn’t amazing, nor is it the greatest novel I’ve read all year. It is, however, a fun mystery and an addictive read. I can’t wait for Silence of the Grave and the return of Marion Briem.

Rick Sayre – Pop-Culture Junkie

MUSIC:

Marie Antoinette

Sofia Coppola gives good soundtrack. Much like her contemporary, Wes Anderson, I celebrate Coppola not only for her films but also for the albums that accompany them. The 70s mix tape and the score by Air that populated the two albums for The Virgin Suicides were perfection. Lost in Translation—from My Bloody Valentine’s Kevin Shields’ contributions to Bill Murray’s karaoke version of “More Than This”—was sublime.

Which brings us to the soundtrack to Coppola’s latest film, Marie Antoinette. Two discs combine early 80s material from Siouxsie & the Banshees, Bow Wow Wow and the Cure with classical interludes and a bit of Aphex Twin thrown in for good measure. The first disc starts off strong with Siouxsie’s first single, “Hong Kong Garden.” If you haven’t heard this song before, be prepared to add a new favorite to your list. The rest of disc one follows suit—from Bow Wow Wow’s contagious “Aphrodisiac” and a Kevin Shields remix of their classic “I Want Candy” to The Strokes, Adam & the Ants and New Order songs. (Albeit, not “Age of Consent,” the fantastic New Order song that plays over trailers for the film.) And then there’s disc two. Focused more on instrumental pieces, this is not the disc you want to have in your Discman on the subway, unless you’re okay with falling asleep there. Fortunately, the double-disc set is sold for the price of one and trust me, the first disc makes it totally worth it.

Rick Sayre – Pop-Culture Junkie

Monica – The Makings Of Me

Monica is not your average entertainer.  She’s got it all—the sound, the voice, the looks, and the moves too.  Unlike many of her peers, she isn’t in your face every five minutes.  She comes and goes as she pleases, thus making fans and critics alike appreciate her much more.  In the three years since the release of her 2003 album After The Storm much has changed.  She’s fallen in love, gotten engaged, and had a baby.  And she’s come into her own as a woman—a smart, confident and sexy woman, might I add.  All of this is quite evident on her latest release The Makings Of Me.

Executive produced by Monica and Jermaine Dupri, The Makings Of Me is a 10-track album that features the production work of Missy Elliott, Swizz Beatz, The Underdogs, Brian-Michael Cox, Sean Garrett, Harold Lilly and Dupri himself.  Monica starts the album off with the first single, “Everytime Tha Beat Drop” featuring Dem Franchise Boyz.  Since most people probably think, “Mo is laidback” she throws us a party jam just in case we forgot she could get down with the best of ‘em. 

The remainder of the album is composed of mostly mid-tempo tracks and ballads.  It’s classic Monica in other words.  Many of the songs highlight the various emotions you feel in love and relationships. “A Dozen Roses (You Remind Me)” uses metaphors and similes to describe the wonders of a new love while building upon a sample of Curtis Mayfield’s “The Makings of You.”  Monica stands by her man and rightfully puts the other woman in her place on “Sideline Ho.”  On “Why Her?” she wonders what it was about her or who she was dumped for that made her ex leave.  “Hell No (Leave Home),“ featuring Twista, is a classic tale of heartbreak stemming from betrayal and on “Doin’ Me Right” Monica sings about the joys of being in love. 

Monica knows that communication is key in relationships.  So when her needs aren’t being met she realizes that she has to switch things up on “Raw,” featuring Swizz Beatz.  She sings about finding the love of her life in the beautiful “My Everything,” a song that’s sure to become a staple of hers.  And when love has run its course she sings “Gotta Move On.”  Monica closes out the album with the moving “Getaway.”  She wears her heart on her sleeve singing here about growing up and trying to deal with life, success and finding herself while in the spotlight.  With an album full of great performances, “Getaway” ranks at the top.    

There’s not much to complain about here with the exception of the album’s brevity (just under 40 minutes) and Missy Elliott’s boisterous, out-of-place hollering over a few tracks. That aside, The Makings Of Me is another wonderful Monica release. Monica’s at her best here vocally, lyrically and musically.  Just be sure to savor every moment of it—you never know when the next Monica album will be released.

Markell Williams - Music Critic

Nelly Furtado - Loose

Chances are good you've heard the first single off her album receive extensive radio play and music video coverage, but maybe it's only now that you realize Nelly Furtado is not a promiscuous artist or one trying hard to be; she's just offering her moveable feast of impressive talent.

I first met her my freshman year of college, as a suitemate found serenity in her songs off Whoa! Nelly and later Folklore. There was something very familiar in her voice, soothing homesickness, heartache and the natural overreaction of young adulthood. She knew herself well, straight up and fly in her true, triumphant beats.

Last winter, I confessed my secret love of phat rhymes by rapper Nelly in conversation. My friend was curious about another Nelly, though—Furtado. I told her that it had been awhile since she was out and about. "What happened to her?" she wondered with interest.

Catching Furtado's SNL performance after the release of Loose, I had her pegged for selling out, akin to Jewel's Intuition period. There she was, moving bedazzled and blinged, as I mourned for all that had been compromised. I came to terms with her playfulness and creating anew. After all, it was entertainment and hey, she was still in the game.

I've found things differently since. Collaboration, integration and experimentation from many angles are what keep Furtado not only alive, but well. Her comeback is made in the flow of everything that is working today. With featured friends like Juanes and Timbaland, Nelly's ever-diversifying style is the personification of any culture's hot beat. Her pot is stirring with passion, freedom, pride and flavor of caliente proportions. "No Hay Igual" es mi favorito.

As she grows, I'm less able to connect the dots, yet her voice still holds all that history, threaded through the eyes of changing times and fulfilling self-expression.

Jehan Mondal – Staff Music Critic

Indigo Girls - Despite Our Differences

After the Indigo Girls finished out their contract with Sony, the company that had released all of their albums for about 15 years, they signed with Hollywood Records, owned by Disney. Despite Our Differences is their first album on the new label and it sounds as if they’re refreshed and excited about this new phase of their career.

The album kicks off with the upbeat “Pendulum Swingers” and rarely slows down. The tracks are sing-along ready, energetic and well produced by Mitchell Froom. “Little Perennials” and “Money Made You Mean” are standouts by Amy Ray, who also penned the haunting “Dirt and Dead Ends.” Pink guests on “Rock & Roll Heaven’s Gate,” returning the favor after the Girls appeared on her single “Dear Mr. President” and Emily Saliers provides us with some beautiful introspection in “I Believe in Love” and “Run.”

The Girls have always blended beautifully, each complementing the other both vocally and musically, and this album is no different. After 20 years together you’d think they’d run out of ways to sound this fresh. Amy Ray continues to grow as a songwriter, perhaps buoyed by the strength of her solo albums, Stag and Prom. There are moments when Saliers seems unfocused lyrically, which is uncharacteristic, but musically she’s in top form. Along with All That We Let In, this is one of the best albums the band has produced since 1994’s Swamp Ophelia.

Rick Sayre – Pop-Culture Junkie

Audra McDonald - Build a Bridge

I can say without question that Audra McDonald is one of my favorite singers. Classically trained, renowned for her work on Broadway, McDonald’s voice is strong, magnificent and unique, one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard.

A breathtaking example of her artistry is the recording for the little-seen musical Marie Christine, a retelling of the classic “Medea” story. (The song “Tell Me” is one of the most moving pieces I have ever heard.) Her three previous albums have beautifully combined the great standards with Broadway songs old and new. All this is explains how intrigued I was when I saw that her newest offering, Build a Bridge, contained covers of songs by John Mayer, Rufus Wainwright and Nellie McKay. Granted, there is a bit of the classical in Wainwright’s work, and McKay’s songs have a bit of an old-school feel. However, “My Stupid Mouth” is a pop song—albeit an awesome one. Songs like the Burt Bacharach/Elvis Costello collaboration “God Give Me Strength” or Randy Newman’s “I Think It’s Going to Rain Today” made a bit more sense to me. I wondered if McDonald would be able to pull this off. I listened to the album and found it interesting that the songs I didn’t think would work did, and the songs I thought would be perfect for her didn’t seem to be.

And then I listened to it again. I realized that each song could actually be part of a musical. Some alternate universe contains a show in which one of the characters is singing “My Stupid Mouth” (and why wouldn’t they? It’s a clever story told by an interesting character), “God Give Me Strength” remains as powerful as it was when it originally appeared in Allison Anders’ film Grace of My Heart and McDonald’s dramatic vocal suits “Damned Ladies” perfectly. So no, Build a Bridge isn’t a pop album, but rather a collection of show tunes; some that never were but could have been, and some bona fide by musical theatre composers Ricky Ian Gordon and Adam Guettel, composer of “Dividing Day” from the Tony Award winning show A Light in the Piazza. All in all, this is a wonderfully satisfying album from the greatest singer on Broadway.

Rick Sayre – Pop-Culture Junkie

SPOTLIGHT:

“The West Wing”

1999 – 2006

"We hold these truths to be self-evident," they said, "that all men are created equal." Strange as it may seem, that was the first time in history that anyone had ever bothered to write that down. Decisions are made by those who show up.” – President Josiah Bartlet

            In the Fall of 1999, Aaron Sorkin was known as a very good writer, and on the cusp of being known as one of our best. Sorkin’s breakthrough accomplishment as a writer came on Broadway with his play A Few Good Men, which ran for 497 performances before Sorkin adapted it for a film directed by Rob Reiner. A few years later Sorkin wrote the films Malice and The American President. While working on a re-write for The American President, Sorkin found himself in his hotel room watching ESPN’s SportsCenter and thinking that the behind the scenes goings-on of a cable sports show would be an interesting idea for a series. In 1998, Aaron Sorkin’s brilliant comedy-drama “Sports Night” went on the air. Though not a ratings darling, “Sports Night” was critically acclaimed, in particular for its brilliant writing reminiscent of Preston Sturges and Howard Hawks.

            The next year “Sports Night” was picked up for its second, and last, season. But fortunately the wit and wisdom of Sorkin’s world of literate television would still have a home in the form of another series that would start that year: A look into the lives of White House senior staffers titled “The West Wing.”

“I think ambition is good. I think overreaching is good. I think giving people a vision of government that’s more than social security checks and debt reduction is good. I think government sh